Question: This summer, my family is getting together for a week away in Vermont. All the adults (8 total) will be vaccinated. There are four kids, aged 2-5 who will obviously not be vaccinated. One family (2 adults, 2 kids) is flying from across the country – everyone else will drive. My concern is my two kids interacting with the kids who will be coming off a plane. I’m not sure how realistic it is that kids can keep masks on for a 6+ hour flight, and flying even while vaccinated still makes me nervous. As I see it, my options are: 1) not go on the family vacation (likely causing lots of tears); 2) my husband and I go for part of the vacation but see if my parents might keep my kids for a few days instead, thereby creating a situation of non-interaction for the kids; 3) try as best as we can to keep the cousins separate and/or masked while interacting (we WILL have two separate dwellings, though they’re connected); 4) try to keep kids’ masks on as much as possible and try to take comfort in the fact that (most) kids don’t get it too badly. Thoughts?

Answer: Clearly, you’ve already given this a lot of thought, so I’m not sure that I have that much to add.  I am sure that whatever option you choose, it will be the right one for your family. But since this is a parenting question, I’m also sure that there will be umpteen ways people will judge you for whatever decision you ultimately make!  Ugh.  

If I were in your shoes, I would call the other family with children to candidly talk.  I would want to know whether we have similar risk tolerances for our kids and whether we/our kids follow similar public health practices.  I’d want to talk with them about how to feasibly minimize risk to our kids during vacation.  And based on that conversation, If our risk tolerances/practices are similar, I’d be more willing to put my trust in them– that they’ll ensure their kids stay masked up on the plane, that they’ll help maintain agreed upon safety practices when our kids are together– trust that we have shared concern and interest in keeping our kids’ risk of COVID exposure low. Based on how the conversation goes, my spouse and I would follow our instincts.  And if we decided we wanted to go, we’d also have several talks with our child to explain our concerns and expectations, and ask for their help in keeping risk minimized. (for more on children, risk, and risk mitigation, see Q&A posts here)

Finally, coming out of COVID hibernation is tricky.  For example, I have an amazing group of friends (all vaccinated) who are planning a trip in October, but I opted out.  I’m just not ready to be in a house for an extended period of time with anyone except my family at this point.  I’m an extravert turned introvert!  At least for the time being, and even in relative absence of safety concerns.  It’s okay to have reservations about complex social things these days.  It’s okay to give a pass to the larger family vacation.  We’re all psychologically in different spaces, and for some of us, it will take more time to feel confident about and interested in rejoining.